Sunday, May 17, 2009

Does this baggage come in another color?

We all have problems - I get it. I’m not afraid to admit that I have issues. For heaven’s sake I have a whole blog dedicated to my dating issues. As much as I like to rant about life to my friends, my coworkers, and even on my blog, there comes a time when you have to practice a little strategic marketing. Dating is about putting your best foot forward. Once the object of your affection has fallen for you at your best, you can slowly start introducing your baggage. We all have baggage so there is no point in trying to deny it exists. The real question is can you put up with the other person’s baggage.

I have been going out with this guy for the past week or so. He is very open about sharing his life and his views. Sharing is nice and all but there is a very fine line between being open and TMI. Tonight we went dancing and while we were taking a breather outside he told me that he has anxiety, takes medication, and sees a councilor. After he revealed this information I didn’t really say anything. Then he said, “I just told you I have anxiety and you still like me?” Ummm? Wow. What was I supposed to say? I think you are so sensitive and wonderful for sharing? Did you bring your paper bag incase you have a panic attack? We have only known each other a few weeks! I personally don’t think you start pulling out that kind of baggage a few weeks into a relationship. Is there anything wrong with seeing a councilor or having anxiety? No, but I guess it really depends on the person and how they handle their issues and on the relationship as a whole. The problem with tonight's revelation is that I don’t know him well enough or have enough information to make an informed decision about his baggage.

Do I have serious baggage? Yes, yes, yes! I have serious baggage. Is it appropriate for me to share it in the first few weeks of dating? NO! Sharing your past, personal struggles, and serious issues is like flying. In the airport they check your baggage to make sure that it will fit in the airplane’s overhead compartment. If the baggage is too big then it must be checked and stowed safely away. In the beginning of a relationship any large, heavy, and unsightly baggage should be stowed until you arrive at your destination of a committed relationship. I’m not saying you should hide important information about yourself, but don’t try and fit a 75 lb suitcase in the overhead compartment. Wait until the plane lands and you pick up your luggage from baggage claim. Then you can slowly start unpacking your suitcase one issue at a time.

3 comments:

  1. Oh my dear Elizabeth, amen, honey. Amen. I had a similar experience with the anxiety/counselor thing on a second date, and I agree, it was waaay too soon for me to hear it. I want and try to be open, but some things create turbulence when we've just barely buckled our seatbelts, if you know what I mean. :)

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  2. great post. The airplane analogy is perfect and I am now going to steal it and use it when explaining this concept to everyone i know!

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  3. I think that is excellent advice! I also find that you should be in committed relationship before whipping out the tears...if you bring them out too soon he may wonder how emotionally stable you are...keep the personal drama to a minimum.

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