Kindred Diva Texting Drama

Dear Diva,
 
Here is the text exchange I told you about. Talk about a texting knight in shining armor!
 

BOB 1:15 PM): [Sally], this is [Bob]. I watched Jaws w you. [Betty] was nice enough to give me ur number! Any plans this weekend starting w tonight?
 
BOB 8:55 PM: hey [betty], [wally] and i are going to hale theater fri. night, want to come?

At this point I called [Betty] to find out what the deal was and she said that [Bob] had texted her the same thing, and she had agreed.

ME: Is this a date invite or just friends getting together? 'Cause [Ed] is dying to see Singing in the Rain at the Orem Hale. I can't come, I'm going out of town, but I appreciate the invite!
 
BOB: I want it to be a date. But it just might turn into a friends thing since your headed out! We dont know too many girls here. Where you headed?
 
ME: Just out of curiosity, if I were going, who would be going with whom? I talked to [Betty] a bit ago and she said you'd texted her too, so I'm just wondering! If you want it to be a date, you could ask [Betty] if she would like to invite a girlfriend. [Ed] can see it some other time.
 
BOB: Ha ha... I love it! Im going w [betty], you'd be with [wally]... The prettier one of us bros...at least the smarter. Im arranging it cause wyatt works over time and k

 
(In case the reader is missing something here.... So if I had been able to go and I hadn't asked, my friend [Betty] and I would both have thought we had a date with Bob that night. Nice.)
 

ME: Well that's great. By the way, you didn't ask for my advice but if you want it to be a date i might try calling. Texting is so confusing to girls when it's something like this. [Betty] really wants to see Singing in the Rain there and you can't go wrong with the Hale, so you should have a great time!
 
BOB: ... how about a date next week?
 
ME: With your brother? If he called me i'd consider it.
 
BOB: No with me...if he wants a date w you he'll have to call you on his own...a date w me, or will you want me to call you next week to find out?
 

(I will tell you now that at no point was I terribly interested in either this fellow or his brother, particularly after the exchange above, so I decided to forfeit a future evening of free entertainment (yes, not that big of a favor, I know) to give it to him straight--with absolutely charitable hopes that he would learn work on his approach in the future, when it would be more important.)

ME: Honestly? Probably not. Next weekend is one of the only weekends I'll be in town in the next month. And i don't mean to sound prissy, but being asked out via text is kind of a turn off.
 
BOB: lol. No prob. Whatever idiosyncracies make you comfortable...i appreciate knowing.

(Note the improper word usage and total disregard to my well-intentioned suggestions that he call rather than text a girl for a date.)
 
Bob's Mis-Steps:
1) Texting a girl for a date, particularly a first date. Also, he could have asked for my number in person, but I won't consider that a technical foul.
2) Asking 2 girls out and not clarifying that 1 invitation was for his brother.
3) Asking a girl out for his brother.
4) Asking the night before.
5) Asking out 2 friends for consecutive weekends. Flattering? No. Attractive? Not terribly.
6) Not accepting the useful, direct advice for what it was. Totally clueless.
 
Love,
Would Rather Sit at Home

So you’re saying there’s a chance?!?!

Divas there is hope! This weekend I went to a wedding. Try not to feel sorry for me... I had a pretty good time.

What is that you say? Did I catch the bouquet? YES!! Okay, I know it is a silly antiquated tradition. The last thing a single gal needs at a wedding is to be forced to stand with other pathetically single women and fight over the honor of catching yet another bundle of flowers. This little game is really fun when you are 18. The trill. The excitement. Yeah, yeah, yeah... when you are 18 you still believe in Santa Clause and Prince Charming and happily ever after. But as the years tick on fighting for that wedding bouquet seems less and less appealing. As you stand waiting for the glowing bride to toss all of her cares and throw the bouquet you can feel millions of judging eyes. “She is such a sweet girl. I just don’t understand why she isn’t married.”

All of your fears kick in. You don’t want to look pathetic, after all you are happily single and you don’t need any stupid big wedding or happily ever after. So you shrink away from the bouquet and let one of those obnoxiously optimistic 18 year olds rip the flowers out of the air.

I don’t know what happened this weekend. There I was standing in the back of the pack ready to let the 18 year olds go crazy. Then all of the sudden my friend threw the bouquet and it came sailing up and over all of those expectant 18 year old hands. And there I was - in the back - in the perfect position to catch that silly bunch of flowers. So what did I do? You had better believe I jumped in the air and caught those flowers... silly and antiquated as they maybe. I confess it! You caught me! I absolutely love that I caught the bouquet.

All I have to say about this weekends catch is... It Is About Time!!!!

Do not pass go! Do not collect $200!

Is it possible to send someone to dating jail? We all know about the fashion police but is there such a thing for dating? Tonight I would like to press charges against more than one social misfit and dating deviant.


Criminal Offenses.
*Do not invite yourself to an event just because you saw it on Facebook. Social media does not give you a free pass to be rude.

*Do not reveal your Facebook stalking activities in casual conversation.

*Do not continue to text, call, and IM someone who has broken up with you. This is pathetic and sad.

*Do not use your own emotional baggage to manipulate other people.

WARNING: If you commit any of these offenses you will be sent straight to jail with no hope of parole.

Facebook = Depression

Okay, I confess that I was looking at Facebook at work.  I needed a 5 minute mental break from what I was doing all day.  One of my friends took a stupid Facebook quiz called “What Age Will You Get Married?”  I thought taking this quiz would be good for a laugh... so I went ahead and allowed this devilish little application into my life. This very scientific quiz consists of 6 questions:

1. How many times have you been in love?
2. Marriage is...
3. Where do you want your honeymoon?
4. Love is...
5. Your best quality is?
6. What feature do you notice first in your the opposite sex? (Please note that this typo is not mine - it is the quiz’s typo.)

I don’t know how a 6 question quiz with a typo could have such a negative impact on my mood. What age will I get married you ask? The powers of the universe and the magic of Facebook combined to let me know that I will be married at 37. The BIG 37. WOW! Even Facebook thinks that there is little or no hope for my love life. The quiz results informed me that “You haven't given up on the notion of true love and the wait is definitely worth it in the end.”

Buyers beware! The results of this quiz may damage your hopes and dreams. I cannot confirm or deny that I took the quiz more than once to see if I could lower my marriageable age. The result? The quiz is stupid and it is impossible to change your answers. I have decided that the creator of the quiz should add a new feature. If you try and take the quiz more than once you will receive the following message: "All of your worst fears are true. You will never marry. Stop taking this quiz. Log out of Facebook and immediately schedule an appointment with your councilor."

Stupid Facebook!

Could I go to jail for this?

Don’t you just love this street sign? Isn’t there a part of you that wants to put on black clothes and sneak out at 3am and steal this sign?!?! I'm usually able to suppress criminal urges but in this case my inner deviant is just dying to come out and play. Okay, don’t freak out - I didn’t steal the sign. The sign has been hung way too high for it to be casually stolen. Judging from the sign’s current height I am guessing that I am not the first person with klepto thoughts. I’d have to plan a major covert operation to steal such a prize. I guess I will have to settle for the picture I took on my way home from work. Hypothetically speaking, if any of you know someone who might be willing to steal the sign in question... please send me their info, ASAP!

Kindred Diva Tales: I love my cat but I don't want to date him!

One of my favorite kindred Diva’s recently sent me a paper she wrote for a communications class. She interviewed several dating victims for her paper and I couldn’t resist sharing this little gem.

An anonymous dating victim was unfortunate enough to attend a dance with a guy who was more cat than man.

"All of the sudden my date started purring and meowing. I kid you not. He’d go ‘Meow!’ and I’d look at him without reacting trying to pretend that he wasn’t a complete nutzo."

In addition to purring, meowing and trying to rub up next to her like a cat, the victim's date also took a piece of paper and shredded it with his… claws… while making hissing noises. YIKES! In case you were wondering, Prince Charming's cat name is Norbert. Multiple personalities are bad enough without one personality being a cat!

Just when I start to think I have dating drama I hear stories like this. Keep these crazy kindred diva tales coming!!!

Does this baggage come in another color?

We all have problems - I get it. I’m not afraid to admit that I have issues. For heaven’s sake I have a whole blog dedicated to my dating issues. As much as I like to rant about life to my friends, my coworkers, and even on my blog, there comes a time when you have to practice a little strategic marketing. Dating is about putting your best foot forward. Once the object of your affection has fallen for you at your best, you can slowly start introducing your baggage. We all have baggage so there is no point in trying to deny it exists. The real question is can you put up with the other person’s baggage.

I have been going out with this guy for the past week or so. He is very open about sharing his life and his views. Sharing is nice and all but there is a very fine line between being open and TMI. Tonight we went dancing and while we were taking a breather outside he told me that he has anxiety, takes medication, and sees a councilor. After he revealed this information I didn’t really say anything. Then he said, “I just told you I have anxiety and you still like me?” Ummm? Wow. What was I supposed to say? I think you are so sensitive and wonderful for sharing? Did you bring your paper bag incase you have a panic attack? We have only known each other a few weeks! I personally don’t think you start pulling out that kind of baggage a few weeks into a relationship. Is there anything wrong with seeing a councilor or having anxiety? No, but I guess it really depends on the person and how they handle their issues and on the relationship as a whole. The problem with tonight's revelation is that I don’t know him well enough or have enough information to make an informed decision about his baggage.

Do I have serious baggage? Yes, yes, yes! I have serious baggage. Is it appropriate for me to share it in the first few weeks of dating? NO! Sharing your past, personal struggles, and serious issues is like flying. In the airport they check your baggage to make sure that it will fit in the airplane’s overhead compartment. If the baggage is too big then it must be checked and stowed safely away. In the beginning of a relationship any large, heavy, and unsightly baggage should be stowed until you arrive at your destination of a committed relationship. I’m not saying you should hide important information about yourself, but don’t try and fit a 75 lb suitcase in the overhead compartment. Wait until the plane lands and you pick up your luggage from baggage claim. Then you can slowly start unpacking your suitcase one issue at a time.