Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Quote of the night...
"We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something." Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (pg 277)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Discovery Channel "Out of Your League?"
On Saturday night I was watching a program on the Discovery Channel called the Science of Sex Appeal. Okay, I already know that it’s pathetic to be watching the Discovery Channel on a Saturday night. Give me a break… I can’t go on a bad date every Saturday ;) This clip is a brief portion of a longer section called Out of Your League? It is interesting to see how nature can be mimicked in a laboratory setting.
I guess we are all left to guess what our number is and hope we can attract the highest possible number in return. Happy Hunting!
A Tragedy Dressed in Gray
It’s finally happened. I knew that this day was coming but I have long been slumbering in a false sense of security. This weekend I found a gray hair. A GRAY HAIR!!!!! Not only did I find a gray hair, but I found a gray hair strategically placed just above my sassy bangs, in the most noticeable place possible. As you can understand I am very distraught about this most recent discovery. My Mom started going gray when she was 18 years old. I never full believed her story but I lived in fear that the dreaded wiry gray hair was lurking in my DNA. For years now I thought I had gotten off easy with my Dad’s genes. I was so cocky. I even went so far as to pity other prematurely gray women.
I like to keep my hair dark so from time to time I dye my hair... purely for aesthetics and not out of necessity. One of my coworkers once asked me if I died my hair to cover the gray or just because I liked the color. Let us pause for a moment to appreciate the tact and sensitivity of my male coworker... men are truly delightful creatures, aren’t they? I proudly said that I was lucky and that I had no gray hair to cover. WABAM! The forces of the universe conspired to teach me a lesson and bring me into the proper state of humility. Looks like I got Mom’s genes after all. Thankfully I have only managed to find one gray hair. Unfortunately, like a termite one gray hair is the sign of hundreds more lurking unseen just waiting to cause massive destruction.
I like to keep my hair dark so from time to time I dye my hair... purely for aesthetics and not out of necessity. One of my coworkers once asked me if I died my hair to cover the gray or just because I liked the color. Let us pause for a moment to appreciate the tact and sensitivity of my male coworker... men are truly delightful creatures, aren’t they? I proudly said that I was lucky and that I had no gray hair to cover. WABAM! The forces of the universe conspired to teach me a lesson and bring me into the proper state of humility. Looks like I got Mom’s genes after all. Thankfully I have only managed to find one gray hair. Unfortunately, like a termite one gray hair is the sign of hundreds more lurking unseen just waiting to cause massive destruction.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Worst-Case Scenario: "It's Not You, It's Me"
The "It's Not You, It's Me" Letter
Version 2.0
Dear [their name],
By now, you must realize that I am gone, and that I am not coming back.
Don't feel responsible-it's not you, it's me. My [busy career / expensive drug habit / intense racquetball schedule / fascination with on-line pornography] prevents me from committing to a serious relationship.
Besides, you deserve better. You deserve someone who appreciates all of your most special qualities, especially the cute way you [leave your toenail clippings on the couch / sing along when you don't know the lyrics / feign naivete when I suggest you do laundry / scarf down two pints of Ben & Jerry's while watching Ally McBeal reruns].
Even though we're no longer together, we'll always have our memories. I'll never forget the time you [asked me to pull your finger / made me lie about my religion to your parents / brought home a bucket of KFC on my birthday]!
They say that time heals all wounds, and I hope that soon you will be able to [love again / like again / speak my name without sobbing / speak coherently to another person of the opposite gender]. When this time comes, I hope that we will be [ good friends / fake phony superficial friends / in different states / as far apart as humanly possible].
Love Always, / Love, / Warm regards, / Fondly, / Adios,
[Your Name]
You can find this little gem at: http://www.worstcasescenarios.com/pdf/itsmeletter.pdf
Version 2.0
Dear [their name],
By now, you must realize that I am gone, and that I am not coming back.
Don't feel responsible-it's not you, it's me. My [busy career / expensive drug habit / intense racquetball schedule / fascination with on-line pornography] prevents me from committing to a serious relationship.
Besides, you deserve better. You deserve someone who appreciates all of your most special qualities, especially the cute way you [leave your toenail clippings on the couch / sing along when you don't know the lyrics / feign naivete when I suggest you do laundry / scarf down two pints of Ben & Jerry's while watching Ally McBeal reruns].
Even though we're no longer together, we'll always have our memories. I'll never forget the time you [asked me to pull your finger / made me lie about my religion to your parents / brought home a bucket of KFC on my birthday]!
They say that time heals all wounds, and I hope that soon you will be able to [love again / like again / speak my name without sobbing / speak coherently to another person of the opposite gender]. When this time comes, I hope that we will be [ good friends / fake phony superficial friends / in different states / as far apart as humanly possible].
Love Always, / Love, / Warm regards, / Fondly, / Adios,
[Your Name]
You can find this little gem at: http://www.worstcasescenarios.com/pdf/itsmeletter.pdf
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Tales of a Kindred Diva... Online Dating for the Homeless
Tonight I was talking about online dating with one of my favorite Divas. We both confessed that we had tried our hand at online dating. My friend then went on to reveal one of the most terrifying online dating stories I have ever heard. Her first online date was homeless. Yeah, you might want to read that sentence one more time because I really did say that her date was homeless.
So this homeless guy meets my friend at her place for their first date. ( Big Mistake: Don’t ever give your address to someone you meet online. Meet them in public and make sure at least one person knows where you are meeting.) Now that I’m off of my soap box, back to the story... So this guy comes over to my friends place for their first dating. Oh I’m sure he seemed nice and charming online but she quickly realized that this guy wasn’t exactly Mr. Right. I have no idea how the confession finally came out but at some point in the evening he told her he was homeless. Not only was he homeless but he had been homeless for the past 10 years. WOW! For a 30 year old man, 10 years is a long time to be homeless.
Don’t judge! The homeless need love too!! Hey, if this homeless guy is enterprising enough to go to the library, signup for an online dating site, find a girl and convince her to meet him I would say he is well on his way out of the gutter and on to his new girlfriends couch.
Yikes! Talk about dating drama.
So this homeless guy meets my friend at her place for their first date. ( Big Mistake: Don’t ever give your address to someone you meet online. Meet them in public and make sure at least one person knows where you are meeting.) Now that I’m off of my soap box, back to the story... So this guy comes over to my friends place for their first dating. Oh I’m sure he seemed nice and charming online but she quickly realized that this guy wasn’t exactly Mr. Right. I have no idea how the confession finally came out but at some point in the evening he told her he was homeless. Not only was he homeless but he had been homeless for the past 10 years. WOW! For a 30 year old man, 10 years is a long time to be homeless.
Don’t judge! The homeless need love too!! Hey, if this homeless guy is enterprising enough to go to the library, signup for an online dating site, find a girl and convince her to meet him I would say he is well on his way out of the gutter and on to his new girlfriends couch.
Yikes! Talk about dating drama.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)