Worst-Case Scenario: "It's Not You, It's Me"

The "It's Not You, It's Me" Letter
Version 2.0

Dear [their name],

By now, you must realize that I am gone, and that I am not coming back.

Don't feel responsible-it's not you, it's me. My [busy career / expensive drug habit / intense racquetball schedule / fascination with on-line pornography] prevents me from committing to a serious relationship.

Besides, you deserve better. You deserve someone who appreciates all of your most special qualities, especially the cute way you [leave your toenail clippings on the couch / sing along when you don't know the lyrics / feign naivete when I suggest you do laundry / scarf down two pints of Ben & Jerry's while watching Ally McBeal reruns].

Even though we're no longer together, we'll always have our memories. I'll never forget the time you [asked me to pull your finger / made me lie about my religion to your parents / brought home a bucket of KFC on my birthday]!

They say that time heals all wounds, and I hope that soon you will be able to [love again / like again / speak my name without sobbing / speak coherently to another person of the opposite gender]. When this time comes, I hope that we will be [ good friends / fake phony superficial friends / in different states / as far apart as humanly possible].

Love Always, / Love, / Warm regards, / Fondly, / Adios,
[Your Name]

You can find this little gem at: http://www.worstcasescenarios.com/pdf/itsmeletter.pdf