First kisses and near misses

This week I have been reflecting on the grand event that is a first kiss. I don’t know about you, but my first kiss was very awkward. I was fourteen and I had finally managed to date the heartthrob of my childhood. In my mind Ben and I were perfect for each other. One day he was over at my house watching the classic Pauly Shore movie, Bio-Dome. Talk about romance. Ben and I were cuddling on the couch when all of the sudden he reached around so I was trapped between him and the couch. I guess he was tired of waiting for the right moment. As I was completely trapped I had no option but to let him smooch me. I was a little gun shy about the whole kissing business. After the kiss was over my only thought was - GROSS! I did not have a magical Hollywood inspired first kiss. Needless to say Ben and I were not perfect for each other and our little romance lasted about as long as Pauly Shore’s popularity.

What about you, my fellow Divas? It’s time to dish the dirt on your first kiss.

Dear Diva, where on earth have you been?

Hi friends! Despite what you may have thought I have not abandoned my dating blog or the world of dating drama. I am still dating. There is still drama. And there are still many stories to come.

I have been dating someone but you will have to wait a little while for my latest stories. What can I say? In the past few weeks I have tried following the famous Maxine’s advice. My attempts at getting a life will soon appear on this blog for your reading entertainment.

If you say “I’m Sorry” one more time I’m going to scream!

I am all for minding your Ps & Qs and being mannerly. Unfortunatley there are people, who in their attempt to be polite, irritate and alienate those around them. I have this friend who makes life incredibly awkward by apologizing for everything. At a party he once gave me a friendly hug. I didn’t think anything of the hug. We are friends and it was a very casual and perfectly acceptable gesture. Sadly the next day my friend wrote me a facebook message apologizing for the hug. “I'm sorry if my side-hug at all made you uncomfortable. It was probably not appropriate.” Now I feel awkward about the infamous side hug. Should I have felt violated? Is my bubble really that big?

This wonderful memory came to my mind because I recently received a very unnecessary apology from one of my guy friends. Don’t get me wrong - everyone should absolutely apologize when there is a reason. However, people with an overactive guilt complex and low self esteem need to be careful with apologies.

I think it is fair to say that we are all looking for a man who is capable of saying he is sorry. But come on, I don’t want a guy who apologizes when he isn’t even in trouble. Let me get mad, be a little pouty and maybe even give you the silent treatment before you apologize. Once you realize I’m mad it is very appropriate to grovel, write love poetry and bring me flowers.

Does he love me for my shoes?

I just want all of you to know that I have finally found love. I just chatted with a guy online for over 10 minutes about the type of shoes I wear. LOL! One of my friends recently told me that I have to keep dating online just for the good stories. Take one for the team, she said. Okay, team... if you want to live vicarious awkward online dating drama I am willing to sacrifice for you.

In case you are wondering... I usually wear shoes with heels. I only wear the kill yourself stilettos to church and on special occasions. My favorite pair of shoes are a deep red pointy toed stiletto. They are to die for! So, what do you think? Should I keep chatting with the online guy with a shoe fetish? Or should I cut my losses and realize that one person in love with shoes is enough for one relationship? On the other hand, if I married him I would never have to feel guilty about buying shoes.

Shameful, truly shameful

Tonight I was watching CNN and all of the sudden a very unexpected commercial came on the air. You may already know about this dating service. I admit that I have been out of the news these days and this commercial was quite a shock to me. At first I thought the commercial was a joke. There is a dating service called AshleyMadison.com that advocates adultery and provides a forum for married people to hook up and have a “discrete” affair. The commercial I saw tonight was banned from the Super Bowl... but now seems to be okay in between CNN’s programing. WOW! Don’t worry. If you don’t manage to have an affair in the first 3 months the site will refund you the $249 fee.

I guess being a single person looking for true love doesn’t seem so bad after all. Never again will I complain about normal online dating.

So, does this mean I have to stop blogging?

"It sounds like a cliche, but your Mr. Right can't fall in love with you if you're sitting at home alone in your pjs and fuzzy slippers cuddling up to a pint of Ben & Jerry's. The story of Rapunzel is called a fairy tale for a reason. It's completely unrealistic. Your man isn't going to fight dragons, swim through shark-infested waters and climb through thorny bushes to bust you out of your living room. While you may always be a princess to your mom and dad, you can't expect any guy to think of you that way when other women are so much easier to reach. The first step to finding your perfect counterpart is to get out of the house. Embrace quantity - success may boil down to math, not magic. Old sayings stand the test of time because they are true. You can't get a hit if you're not swinging, you can't get a bite if you don't have your hook in the water and you can't get wet if you don't get in the water. Even thought I don't know you personally, one thing I'm sure of is that "the one" isn't going to come knocking on your door or materialize on your couch. Love isn't the pizza man; it doesn't deliver."

(Dr. Phil McGraw, Love Smart, pg 162).

So, does this mean that in order to find my true love I have to stop spending time thinking about blog posts? Dr. Phil says that finding love isn't about magic it's about math. I always hated math! You know, I think I would have paid more attention in high school if I knew slacking off in algebra would doom me to a life of dating drama. Bah!

Dr. Phil has truly inspired me! I think that it is high time someone franchised a love connection pizza delivery business. We will hire young, single, and extremely good looking pizza drivers. You can get a pizza and a two minute speed date. Don't worry no creepy 45 year old pizza drivers who live in their mom's basement and lack personal hygiene will not be allowed. What do you think? Who's up for pizza this Friday?

Spinsties of the World Unite!

One of my fellow Divas suggested that I share a fantastic satire blog called “Seriously So Blessed”. If this blog doesn’t make you laugh… well, you are crazy! Check out TAMN's most recent posts:

"To My Searching Sisterz
My sweet darling old maid friend Yvette is down in the dumps because honestly, she has the saddest slash most boring life ever. She hasn't TOLD me that but I can sirmise it from her condition of singleness, and other people's frowns make ME frown, which is a bummer AND a wrinkle-inducer not to mention basically the opposite of my favorite hymn. Just can't take it any more! INTERVENTION!!! Here is some advice from ME, which not to be calky but I = a bit of an expert in this arena…"

Read the real thing: To My Searching Sisterz


"Mo-Matchelor!!!
Guys!! I know you seriously thought bc of preggo brain I forgot about the Mo-Matchelor but I didn't, I was just busy squeezing out the two darlingest twins in America! Anyways I got sooooo many swoonariffic entries it was IMPOSSIBLE to pick just one, so I went with TWO, but trust me I could of picked like thirty!
Spinsties and overbearing mothers of spinsties, listen up!"

Read the real thing: Mo-Matchelor

Enjoy!